my mind has not been itself
because it has not had its companion
that stimulates its being
therefore leaving it somewhat stagnant.

I'm left feeling invigorated
and creative to boot
words are forced in and out of my head
like laundry down a chute

spending the summer in the rockie mountain way
i felt invincible
now back on ground
i feel dispensable

this ongoing feeling
of negative force
I'm reckoning with
the unsatisfactory that i didn't miss

trying to understand why this is forbidden
just makes me want it more
let me move where i can have it forever

Theo D.

fake t-shirts

i have no respect for you as a person,
running around and spitting out lies,
then all you do cry when i ask why
which just makes me want to kiss the sky.
you built me up just to break me down,
oh buttercup get a grip of your life
instead of holing on to me just to watch me drown.
your inconsideration's strengthen my path,
so i never have to look back.
i attack only now whats ahead
and i only see metallica finally fading to black.
I've dealt with your kind before but no more
i say no more to you because your one of me
I'm a bull in the stars,
but i like the squirrel in the tree...
that i sit under and let the apple fall on me
with a little help from its friend gravity.
stopping is not an option i will prevail
through all the barriers
doing what i do best, giving a fuck about who cares.
I'm the king of my body and no one else will rule me
and if you mean something say it,
othersmart its not wise to fool me.

Theo D.

cloud 9

all around i see me are faces,
with no real face.
the simplicity of their complexion
gives them no real race.

whats a race that kills,
one that deserves to be in none.
therefor there can be no racism,
and all the killing can be done.

see the faces of your neighbors,
love the faces of your neighbors.
and love all the sexually unaccepted neighbors,
or some may call them geighbors.

everyone should love everyone no matter,
what shape size or colour.
love everyone to death,
instead of just killing my sisters and brothers.

we were all made from the same thing,
so were all wawrefaric cannibals.
killing and manipulating the minds,
eating all up of all the bullshit the gov says.

all i am saying is give peace one chance,
it will successfully dormant war.
which means we can have more success,
and everyone can live more.

Theo D.

solitude is a key in ones span of living,
i try and take as much as my mother earth will give me.
in the grass alone or with you,
chasing our words out of our mouth that cant seem to stop moving.

when i cant seem to be me,
i go where i know i want to be.
imagining my place of peace creates peace in me,
which then in turn brings me back to me.

you cant feel any happier emotion than knowing who you are,
truly, spiritually,physically,mentally,and emotionally.
ones who feel this are the gayest people in the world,
and will always provail through the obstacles they must pass victoriously.

knowing who you are gives you the motivation,
to do what you know you are capable of.
but living who you are is the kicker,
and if you don't live your life as you the world will give you a shove

Theo D.

my love.

my love is figurative,
like a fugative playing lunatic fringe in my kitchen.

my love is literal,
like i literally just shit my self jumping on the trampoline.

my love is infinite, definite,
though redefined through many acts of spite.

my love is invisibe,
though radiant through the right set of eyes.

my love is fiction,
like the world we live in and the fucks we share it with.

my love is real,
like the blood beign shed by suicidal maniacs on the streets everyday.

my love is anything and everything,
that makes me grow to who i am and who i am too become.

Willie Crooked Smile

I am...

My eyes are burning with the desire felt but once before. I float through a valley walked by many but remebered by few. Their footsteps echo with the daunting sound of my imminant demise. Soon the sensation will leave me, yet my mind keeps my thoughts burned in my head. I am not lost but awakened to the greater sense of meaning burning before me. Those who judge are left only with the satisfaction empty sensation that they are better than me. But I can see more clearly, as if the smoke let down the curtain to a hidden mirror. I see my reflection and realize it has changed more than I care to know. I am simply a shell of who I was and what I believed in. No matter where I go from here, I carry these scares forever. I am no longer a pillar of confidence and knowledge, but a man who cringes at the thought of time and death. I am a lost soul, bound by faith, yet driven by the unknown. I am...nothing more than a man of the world who wishes to prove he can sit atop the milkey way and rule with a fist of dust. For that is all we really are, dust in a cosmic universe.

STW

my other name

I see things differently,
that others may see clearly.
I see things repeatedly,
so i begin to fear thee.

Are these signs important,
or should i pay no mind.
This cannot be happening,
it's not my time.

Gasping for breathe,
from the horrifying scene.
I'm in dire need of oxygen,
Tis the only thing i feen.

This plot is still occurring,
like a scratched compacted disc.
My head is on a lose swivle turning,
I am begining to feel sick.

This noise crescendos,
deep within my brain.
I know now im losing it,
I cant even remember my other name.

I see thing differently,
that others may see clearly.
These things keep repeating,
so I begin to fear thee.

thankful

this situation is sticky,
so is your hair.
what if we have to cut it,
oh what a SCARE.

i have no recollection
of that past event occuring.
but in the background
i see a pirate with scurvy.

fallen to his knees
he crutches on his sword.
behind him a gnarly wave arises
and he becomes decaptedted by a board.

talk about a bad day
how much worse could it get,
maybe as bad as pete rose's
addiction got to bet.

i have no recollection
of that past event occuring.
but in the background
i see a pirate with scurvy.

now lifeless and wet,
the pirate is off somewhere he will want to stay
and when he looks back,
he will be glad he had that day.

No Way Out

Once again here is dream so any inconsistencies should be ignored...

I find my self in the back of an old pick up truck. There are hunting rifles all around the rusted bed, and as I look around more I see both of my little sisters pressed against the window of the truck. I am not sure who is driving. As I look behind me I see that we are driving through a forest path. It is fall because all the leaves are burnt orange. I stare farther up the path and suddenly my heart twists and I am scared stiff. The only description I can offer that you can relate to is "Orc" like creatures are chasing us. I would air more to a demon-like look, however they look too much like men. I pick up a gun and shoot, they are for some reason only single shot guns. The "orcs" seem to be gaining ground on the pick up truck with every shot I take into the seething black mass. My sisters are screaming for help. I look ahead of us and see a log cabin. For some odd reason I know there is a trapdoor that leads to a tunnel inside the cabin. As we pull in front of the cabin, the "orcs" are 20 or 30 yards away. I grap my littlest sister, and hold my other sisters hand as we sprint into the cabin. I can hear the growls of the "orcs" as I throw the rug off the floor and lift up the trapdoor. I drop my sisters down into a blackness in the floor, and turn to look into the face of an "orc" whose face is guant. His nose looks like a skeleton's and his eyes are wide. He raises a sword and growls as thousands of "orcs" poor into the room. My heart skips. Then suddenly the dream starts all over again. It repeated three times before I woke up in a cold sweat, more scared then I have ever been in my entire life.

STW

Slaying a Giant

Mind you this was a dream so logically it may not make sense. However none of this was made up. I dreamt every single action that takes place and added no more or less.

The mist is heavy as it falls on the green mountainside. I am running for my life. I have a companion with me, someone who is familiar to me, but I do not see their face. As I keep running towards the mountain, I turn my head to see what I am running from. I see four figures, cloaked in black, running at me with swords drawn. It fuels my fear and I begin to feel my legs ache with exhaustion. I look towards the green mountainside and suddenly see a grappling hood thrown over the top of the mountain. Instantly a figure cloaked in blue is running up the rope, and I recognize them to be friendly. As I turn to the figure I am running with more men, cloaked in blue begin to gather in front of me. As I reach them, they are all staring intently at my pursuers, and I realize that my companion is no longer with me. Suddenly the men cloaked in black behind me are building a wall, preparing for what it seems a battle. They have red banners and are waving them as more and more black cloaked figures begin to mass behind their stone wall. I look to my right to see the blue figures creating a wooden platform with wood spikes surrounding it. A man is sitting on the chair that is perched on top of the platform. He is wearing what appears to be black and blue animal skins, and is completely bald. He turns and hands me a sheathed sword. The sheath is made of twisted gold metal, and is quite heavy. Suddenly the men in black across from us are attacking. I hear distant yells and see men fighting, however I am not engaged in the battle at all. I have the looming feeling in my head we are losing, as if we are the good guys being pushed to the brink. Then a man in black lunges at me. He swings and I raise the sword in sheath to protect myself. The sheath begins to crack, and suddenly the sheath breaks away from the sword. As I stare down out the voice I hear a booming voice echo in my head, "That is the sword I need". I look up to see a man who towers above everybody else. He is a giant by all respects to the word giant. I suddenly realize I must fight him. I lunge at his ankles, slicing quickly, then jump up, somhow using the sword to propel me up and slice his face. He merely laughs and I realize my blade is like a paper cut to his skin. I then realize the only way to bring him down. He grabs me, I see his eyes, black and lifeless as he brings me to the front of his face. I suddenly lunge from his grip, and grab the side of his face. I quickly scramble to his ear, and thrust my sword inside his ear, hearing it crunch bone as it drives through his skull. I am then woken up by my mother vaccuming.

STW

destiny

i sit here and ponder deep to myself about what destiny is and how we have a so called planned destiny....like a father for instance who once was a great athlete at a certain level and him wanting his son or daughter to succeed in what he did. my previous statement is a prime example of why i think no one can really control ones destiny. you are the most manipulated in what your parents want as you become a toddler and then and into an adolescent. sure at the teen age years you may rebuttal with my formers statement at the begging of this ponder on paper, but here is that truth, no matter how much you may think your creating yourself by eluding curfews, making bad grades, or hanging with the crowd that your parentals would dissent from, all of that billy bad assness was created by them. your parents have control of how you are and will be for the rest of your life. you may stray from this in a sort of freedom that you may think you area attaining, but in reality your just at the top of your invisible cage sheltered over by your parents. so back to the fact about not having your own destiny. i have had a conception on how my life has been manipulated not necessarilyin a negative way but maybe a way that could have made things easier or maybe just a little more enjoyable rather than a struggle my entire life. the thing is i have two fairly exceptional god given dextarities. the thing is i was pushed towards one where i was but wasn't built for. where the other one i could pick something up by ear and learn very easily. i feel like i was made or shall i say destined to be something other than i have been groomed to be. i feel that a lot of people may have encountered a thought of why am i doing this and who am i doing this for when i would have maybe rather wanted to do something that could very have been just as if not more success full then what i am doing. i love what i am doing but i know that it was not my destiny and i think it may be a little to late..........

TD

bump on the butt

tis funny how quickly and drastically things change in complete polar opposite directions. one day things area smooth sailing then whamm! your knocked faster on your ass than you could say something long and hard to say...nothing came to mind. Know in this situation you can only think positive and things will change back to the way they were as quickly as that one word you thouhght of earlier or didnt casue you didnt have time; none the less time passes and shti hits the fan. Your fed up wtiht all the shit that was brought upon you, you say fuck it, so thats exactly what you do...fuck it. go out, have fun, do what it is that you want to do no matter what it may be and dont stop and dont let anyone carry you down again. with this go out and just gander...there are so many out there. literally, just millions to pick from. dont let one that you think you know, and really do not, fuck you in your ass because without the foreplay you ass will be left black and blue. the best part is is that when i got hit on my ass, i saw the truth and im more than happy about it...

TD

Welcome to the world

Welcome to the world of the wicked and the damned
A world that went sour far to quick
When I awoke a society had harshly rammed
The idea that humans were no better than ticks

Yet when I gaze upon the sleepwalkers and daydreamers
I see a future that could have been
We could have been showstoppers and dare takers
People who strode to better themselves and their kin

But somewhere along the line we lost sight
Of who we were and what we could do in life
We chose to flounder in the common plight
And teeter the world at the edge of a knife

The politicians and celebrities can not help us now
Its the inner strength of the people I must find
However few want sweat to fall from their brow
And I fear death will not be very kind.


STW

The Jungle Gym

I lay awake with the fear gripping my thoughts. I am unsure how to deal with it because it is overwhelmingly inevitabe. Yet something in my heart brings me back. The fact that life is unexpected and unexplored. It is a playground for those who dare cross its jungle gym of adventure. But too many are worried about the threat of no making it across. Those who pursue the finish with an unyeilding will will not discover prizes, trophies, or a pat on the back. They will simply be left with the realization that they accomplished what their mind told them was an unsure bet. However their heart instilled in them the desire to prove the doubters wrong, and their supporters right. Though not everybody makes it to the end, their is value in knowing you will take the plunge into the unknown and face the odds of failure. You are forever known not as a person who sat and watched but as an individual who stood alone in their own right. Nobody can take that pride from you. People will tell stories of how you conquered that long journey. And how in the face of failure you looked ahead, grasped the bars that would lead you to the end, and never looked back. We all are given this remarkable gift, the gift to forge ahead and create our own history, our own legacy. Take heed of the words from someone who is dangling from a bar not far from the beginning, it is better to start and fall from exhaustion, then to sit and watch others proudly accomplish what you were afraid to do.

STW

Indulgence

Ive become numb,
to what is true and false.
My brain is scattered,
and my pulse is lost.

Understanding what pride is,
takes pride to figure out.
Without pride in yur soul,
you may become filled with doubt.

Learning to trust,
becomes an encumbering errand.
If you have exiled trust,
then you may never begin.

Anything you want,
long term or short.
your body must be disclosed,
and relieved from its fort.

With trust comes feeling,
and the numbness flees.
Your brain reunites,
and you then may begin to be.

fuck people

i have been mocked with the way i act by all around me, but a select few. i dont know what is means or how i feel but it has come to a point where it is stupid only because i have my own image and unique personality that i am criticized for by everyone that are the same.i sit in between two prime examples as i forge this script on this support.the sickening fucks just glare at me almost enviously that i have a passion of my own that doesnt include binge drinking and shooting shit while binge drinking, and unfortunatley for them my passion is far to sophisticated for them to comprehend.i am filled with annoyance and grief.the dumb ass ignorant beings have the mental capacity of a fucking nut between the both of them. i feel surrounded by these arrogant ass holes everyday of my life.one asks me to read what it is i am writing and i so kindly decline. i am almost insecure about my writings without my "Dark" identity. i honestly could give a flying fuck about what they think about my writings, but the point is that i dont want brains all splattered on me and in the bus because what i write would blow their fucking minds. i dont know many people that could be able to really understand and realize what is is that i mean by my words when i say what i say.

LIVE

Looks, glances, glares,
burn my flesh to the bone.
I cant take it anymore,
people just dont seem to understand.

Friends get to know,
the truth about who i really am.
Their views alter,
as if i were an outsider.

I become unwelcome,
and neglected by my past companions.
Getting through this,
becomes a quicksand pit from hell.

I churn and muscle,
my way over this obstacle.
Create new friends and move on,
the begin to see and accept the real me.

I do things i want to do,
without the second guessing.
Others may feel,
that what i do is taboo.

I could give a shit,
i create my own path.
My future is dependent on me,
I will never depend on my future.

The Cool People

I guess this really only relates to the people who will never quite understand the world and how it works. You see, I am compelled to express my inner thoughts on the dreaded group simply known as the "cool" people. Myself and others prescribe to a common theory known simply as the "average joe" theory. This means that no matter what we do in life, we will be middle of the road. Never anything glamorous, great, inspirational, or exquisite. We will simply be average. Now I have often thought what goes through a person's head when they have attained the right to call themselves cool. Is it that they can wear the clothes that are thought to be neat. Popped collars, boat shoes, kaki shorts that cut off the circulation in my balls. Or is it they possess the ability to not care about anything in the world except "getting drunk and finding bitches"...this is obviousely from a guys point of view. Maybe the cool group of people can belittle others simply to get a laugh out of the people they are around. Not genuine humor but the vulgar and abusive sorts. Yes its true I never truly fit in, but I can say that I have true friends in life. Not a drinking buddy or a "bitch" that will go all the way. I have what really values in life. But to those of you who say I simply am writing off on the popular I say nay. Popularity is simply a measurement used by the cool people. If you are truly a good person, how popular you are doesn't matter. What matters is that you surround yourself with people who help you become a better person. But I don't wish to divert from my original path, the cool people in life are the ones with the attention, benefits, and "fun" yet how much do they know themselves. You think they know what they want in a girl, what they like to listen to, what they eat, who they talk to, or even what classes they take. No a cool person is simply freed of most responsibility towards life. They have earned a spot amongst the ranks of fellow idiots, only to realize that they climbed a mountain with no view at the top. Thats because when they reached the top of the mountain, they realized it was simply a hill that lead to the real mountain ahead.

the long dusty road,
intervened by obstacles.
makes life worth living,
to its full optimal.

pushing and pressing,
ends only in a checkmate.
for one to succeed,
one must they must not just participate.

giving and taking,
are the essence of life.
though it will test you and your character,
on the edge of a knife.

you fall you fail,
you balance you achieve.
and with failure comes success,
which enables one to believe.

one must stay optimistic,
and grab life by the horns.
and one must take the good with the bad,
and learn to be criticized and torn.

it only gets harder,
as one travels this road.
never back down,
and always carry the load.

for this will expound,
on how one must continue.
to be whom they are and will be,
and adapt to ones venue.

when the light comes down
and cast a shadow of your figure
it turns my mind around
and im eager for it grow

with the two of us under the sun
we create slight darkness
a place to lay our backs down and lounge
and feel the spark ignite between us

with the spark comes a flame
wihch the breeze manipulates into dance
for this fire we are too blame
but we show how to give love a chance

two silhoettes engulfed in orange and red
new life comes from this feat
life is amazing and nothing to dread
dont fight life cause you will only end in defeat

When the heart finds its happy median
it may never want anything else
But when your head tries to control the situation
you may forget what your heart has
The only true way to happiness is through the heart
so don't throw away the key when its not locked
Because your life may fall apart
pieces of your body begin to yearn
the satisfaction has scurried and it's nowhere to be found
with the effort of your heart searching
Your body is left lifeless and begins to break down
you mentally and emotionally crumble
things become fuzzy and vague in appearance
when really they should be clear
but you fund yourself befuddled searching for a Clarence
life is what you make of it
keep your heart above your head in sticky situations
everything will come out how its suppose to
and then youll have nothing in life but glorious revelations

TD

Actions and objects are peoples thoughts,
manipulated sinisterly into scheming plots.
The good the bad and the unforgivable,
make life something unlivable.
All of the lies and truisms smother each other,
as they create a thick fog of perplexity that just hovers.

This is how humans live,
always looking to take and and never give.
Things should just start over,
so that they can be more thought out as we grow older.
living in such a manner is something dreadful,
but looking into the future with this going on in the world isn't edible.

By making ourselves we will be the only "YOU",
this will hopefully create everyone themselvs too.
See all of this following just becomes to easy,
instead of rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands greasy.

Everyday everyone should just follow what they believe is right,
no matter how long it make take into the night.

TD

Promises from the government are nothing but lies. i really don't believe hardly anything that anyone has to say. Obama has already raised the taxes after he promised no tax inflation. We need to support a free market that looks like is diminishing to a socialist type economy. The Government is trying so hard to fix everything by borrowing money that we done have to pay back. all of this money that is being paid back is from our own pockets, how in the hell is this fair to our Dream World America. We try to live the American dream but in reality were fighting to get it back. Sure the gov. has always been around to "Help out" you know a subsidy here and another one there to "help out" the little guy instead of letting the economy take care of the little guy. The free market will allow businesses to prevail through supply and demand its simple but the small business owners are whining that they aren't making enough to get by when they really are. This means the Gov. has to step in and break a promise about keeping the tax at a normal rate by flexing it to a rate that is pure theft. Now with these bail out packages and the gov. trying to make jobs for people is insane. The government need to take a step back and let things happened, i mean if it wasn't for the government we could supply our own gas and not have to pay such a high tariff on that which in turn would lead to cheaper gas prices which then would lead to the economy and car market to stay up. all of this Gov. help really isn't helping anything.

TD

The Only Thing Left to Say

I tried to write about President Obama's inauguration, but honestly, nothing came to mind. You see the time for elegant words is over, the time for action is upon us. Like him or not, President Barack Obama exposed where America was headed and let us realize what America could be. I simply say that although all politicians are crooked in some way, perhaps we now have a President that will push through mindless arguements and try and put this country back on track.

Death, An Icy Reminder

Its tough to accept death. Regardless of when, why, or how, death is a rude reminder that the world can be harsh and unforgiving. What is tough about death is not necessarily the emotions towards the recently departed, but the realizations and emotions that result within your own self. You begin to think of how death's icy embrace will take you, and then you worry if all your faith is for naught. Oh yes my friends, death can effect us in ways we are never prepared for. But its hard to be confronted with mortality when we are told that we have our whole life to look forward to. Thoughts of death are thrust into our minds, and we cannot help but dwell on when our demise will come. But life is a journey. And death is but part of the journey we will all travel. It is okay to think of death, and sometimes be fearful on where it might lead us. But we can never let it consume us. You have to celebrate life to its fullest, and live it with no regrets or hesitation.

STW